One beautiful phase in life every lady should endeavor to enjoy is singlehood. A single lady will often enjoy the freedom to do almost anything she wishes, and that include finding love. Nevertheless, in the quest for a partner, there are certain common mistakes single ladies make.
Ladies who are single may not necessarily be eager to participate in dating with the aim to find a spouse. In dating or relationship, ladies have so many decisions to make and that includes what they want from such relationships and why they want them. The process of decision-making comes with ifs and if not, and this may lead to so many mistakes that ladies may not be aware of and only realize them when they are neck-deep into the relationship, and it’s too late to turn back.
Let’s look at some of the mistakes single ladies make in relationships.
As a lady making yourself too available for a man reduces your respect. Assuming that putting yourself out there makes you appear available to potential suitors is not a bad thing, but being too extra about it is one of the common mistakes single ladies make. Many ladies assume that when you love someone, you give yourself completely to them and be available for them at all times.
This assumption and theory are wrong. You making yourself scarce doesn’t mean you are playing hard to get; instead, it means you understand and know how to manage your availability for a man. Men love their space, and they need space for them to be emotional, unlike ladies. In proverb 27:7, the Bible says one who is full loathes honey from the comb but to the hungry, even what is bitter taste sweet.
Just like this passage, you are the honey. When you make yourself available for a man at all times, he becomes full. And when he is full, what does he do? He loses interest in you and goes in search of another.
But when you establish the ‘miss you’ factor by making yourself scarce, that makes him hungry for your company.
Throwing away other relationships
No sane man will advise you to end all other relationships because you are in a romantic relationship with him. Any man who does that is being manipulative and controlling, and listening to such men is one of the mistakes single ladies make. So there is no need to get carried away by the romance love drama and end up throwing away other relationships you have built over the years. Your romantic relationship is not enough for balance, protection, growth, and developments; you need other people around you too.
These other relationships which you have nurtured for years made you a better person for your spouse, so think wisely before neglecting them for one romantic relationship or because you are in love.
You should not destroy your relationship with your family, friends, pastors, mentors, and counselors because of a romantic relationship.
Not building yourself
Instead of praying for an excellent husband, become an ideal wife material. 80% of Ladies focus on attraction than attention. Attracting a man is much easier than holding his attention. Thinking there is a perfect man out there is one of the common mistakes single ladies make. There’s no such thing as a perfect man or woman.
Every single man out there is praying to God to give them a good wife who is not just physically attractive but spiritually, financially, mentally, emotionally socially, and domestically sound.
Now, if you don’t work on yourself, how can you be that lady he is searching for? Besides, building yourself internally and externally is also good for you. Develop yourself beyond your looks.
“Like a gold ring in pig snouts is a beautiful face on n empty head.”Prov 11:22
Use your single years for packaging and preparing yourself for attracting a man and keeping his attention. Plus, building yourself helps set a standard for the kind of men you’ll attract.
Ever heard a lady complain about getting jilted after “building” a man? This is quite common because helping a man grow while neglecting your own growth is one of the mistakes single ladies make.
Not defining the relationship
Avoid the ‘play along’ strategy of doing everything a guy wants, hoping that they will like you enough to commit to you one day. If you’re trying your best not to look desperate, this strategy will surely work against you, as he’ll see you as being desperate for a husband.
Defining the relationship and setting standards does not make you look desperate; instead, it makes the guy know your expectations. If you don’t spell out your expectations, he may keep using you to satisfy his own expectations, making you be at his mercy, which is definitely wrong; you should never be at the mercy of any man.
Logically and confidently tell him what you want and your expectations for the relationship. If your goal is to get married, make sure to spell it out and ask for his opinion. If his own plans don’t align with yours, then it’s a sign that the relationship will be fruitless. To avoid common mistakes single ladies make such as this, define the relationship from the start.
Giving too much too soon
Relationships have stages. Each stage comes with a new level of commitment. Do not be in a hurry as speed kills. Take things gradually with guys, and don’t be in a hurry to jump a phase.
Make sure he qualifies for a new stage before progressing with him. Any man trying to deceive you will definitely hate this process and would not be patient enough to know what phase of your life you are about to open to him next.
Precious things are not easily accessible.
Give not that which is holy unto dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine lest they trample them under their feet and turn again and rend you.Matthew 7:6
Some ladies in romantic relationships tend to be blind to the negative patterns in their relationships. Most times, they may be aware but will decide to turn a blind eye to these occurrences in a bid to change the guy.
The truth is that you can’t change someone who is not willing to change. Patterns don’t lie; you need to check if these patterns you see are consistent and what you expect in the long run.
Make sure you sit back and observe his way of doing things. When you notice anything you aren’t comfortable with while in courtship, make sure to bring it to his attention. If he continues with the same behavior, don’t manage the relationship, hoping he’ll change after marriage. If he can’t change now, he won’t change then.
Confusing ideal with reality
Imagining a fairytale is one of the common mistakes single ladies make. Girl, you need to know the distinction between having standards and drawing an unrealistic list. There is no such thing as a perfect man. Never! When fantasizing about the kind of man you want, try thinking if he exists in reality.
Let your ideal man be something you can contribute to and build, not a perfect finished product. Any perfect man you see was an ideal of another woman and a result of her hard work and prayers.
Staying in an unhealthy relationship
Most ladies have anuptaphobia, which is the fear of being single and lonely, making them rush into unhealthy and destructive relationships.
You have the right to walk away from any relationship that is draining you emotionally, physically, and mentally. Don’t you ever stay in an unhealthy relationship because you are scared of being alone or maybe you won’t find someone else.
My dear, there are good men out there who will treat you well, so know your stand and know when to walk away?
You force a relationship to stay alive
Remaining is a loveless relationship or affair is one of the mistakes single ladies make. You don’t beg a man to stay in your life. If you feel the relationship is not moving in the right direction, know when to exit. Don’t pretend to see the red flags waving at your face. Once you see that he is not making any effort to make it work, take your leave, don’t stress yourself trying to fix things. That’s not your duty to keep the relationship going; it takes mutual effort. Doing it alone makes you look desperate.
Using money to buy a man and put to him under your control
Never you use your money to buy a man as a lady. Most ladies feel that because they have money, they can date who they want and control them the way they like. That’s a big lie. A man who loves you sincerely will love you for who you are and not what you have.
Trying to get a man with your money will only end you getting one of those backstabbers who will take your money and spend it on the girl they love.
You can also find out the common mistakes single men make here. We look forward to your comments