Are you dealing with sister-in-law drama? if yes, you are not alone. As it is said, you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family members. This saying also extends to your husband or potential spouse because his family members are indispensable, including his sister. I know it is your dream to have the best time of relationship with her, but sometimes that becomes far from it, and it becomes a bone in your throat. If you find yourself referring to her as “Sinster-in-law” instead of “Sister-in-law”, this is the best way to deal with the ” Sinster-in-law” situation and “take the bull by the horn”.
Because you can’t trade your sister-in-law for a friendlier, peaceful type, you can handle the situation with all the elegance of the Queen that you are. According to Anita A. Chlipala, LMFT Founder of Relationship Reality 312, ” people always have a reason for why they do what they do”. Evaluating the likely motivations behind her unexplainable conduct may potentially ease your urge to throw a punch at her.
Five ways to deal with sister-in-law drama
1. The Bossy Babs sister-in-law drama:
This type of SIL’s seeks to command you and be in charge of everything you do. From trying to tell you how to dress, to how to plan your wedding. As awfully as it might sound, Chlipala advises you have faith in her. “Usually individuals who come across as controlling deal with anxiety”, she adds. “She may be anxious about her brother not making the right decision, but her brother having ‘the best day ever’, or thinks her ways are the right ways”, she adds.
When this happens, brace yourself, and whenever she advances into a manipulate state of mind, calmly refresh her memory that it is your wedding as well as your husband-to-be. Besides the fact that you welcome her efforts, in the end, you will have to do what you and your husband-to-be believes paints a picture of what both your philosophies are about life and building a family together.
2. The Jealous Jessica sister-in-law drama:
She is unmarried and continually reminds you and every person in your fiancé family of her relationship situation. Because it is all about her, right? Try to show a little compassion, adds Chlipala. It is challenging being unmarried, for anybody, when all she ponders and see all around her are happily married, people.
Have a conversation with her concerning what you miss about your singlehood or the hurdles you encountered before you finally meet your husband to be, adds Chlipala. In respect to the fact that you are about to marry her brother, suggest to her that you can be her wing woman. (The fewer conflicts and arguments you have before the wedding the better for you and your fiancé).
3. The Nosy Nacy sister-in-law drama:
You see this very type of SIL here, is what is called ” I know it all”. She wants to know every single thing that happens within your immediate family and also your extended family.
She may even want to know how much you spend on groceries, and how much you and your fiancé will be spending on planning your special day, and where you will be travel to for your honeymoon.
Before you rebuke her, peacefully give her the grounds why it should not be a concern to her, adds Chlipala. For example, you can tell her that the issue of money is a sensitive subject matter in your family and you want to leave it just the way it is. Alternately, you can keep it simple and say; ” money means nothing when it comes to spending time with your family”. Afterwards, ignore her irrespective of the fact that you are apoplectic with you.
4. The Competitive Cathy sister-in-law drama:
Total perfection and absolute winning is the only language of peace this SIL understands and knows about. She is always on her competitive sleeves with you. From the number of shoes you own to the number of times you visited the gym and the number of times you went shopping in a month, she always seems to do more just to be ahead of you and prove a point to you. Basically whatever you do means nothing to her, and your best is never enough to her.
She always tells you about how accomplished she is, how she has done this and done that. The fact is, “she is probably insecure and needs to compete with you to feel like she measures up”, adds Chlopala. Once again, a laid back discussion should be initiated when addressing this. Commend her on the things she does right and what you respects about her. You can help her manage the issue of insecurity, but having full knowledge that it is not all about a contest for her could help you ignore her conduct amicably.
5. Rude Ruthy sister-in-law drama:
This set of SIL is way out of her place. She uses every opportunity to talk you down and also look down on you. She always picks every chance to speak rudely to you in family gatherings. ” Rudeness is never tolerable, but some people may not even have the self-awareness of the impact of their comments” adds Chlipala. You can quickly call her out by saying something like
“Hey, I know you are joking right, but when you said it, it hurts my feelings, and I feel that you are deliberately putting me down in the presence of everyone. You will have to confront her and spell it out that her behaviour is offensive. The fact remains that you both now share a family and will unavoidably share many functions and holidays. It’s advisable to address this issue instantly that opt for dealing with it much later. If she seizes another opportunity to do it again, remind her that you have warned her about it earlier but she just repeats it, kindly talk to your husband-to-be about her attitude and rudeness towards you.
Final thoughts on dealing with sister-in-law drama
While it is true that not all sisters-in-law are monsters or difficult, it is imperative to be on the lookout for possible sister-in-law drama and to handle all situations with peace in mind. Sometimes, love, understanding, and tolerance are all it takes to win difficult sisters-in-law over with time.