Spotting bad influence in a relationship: how to cut them off

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What could be the reasons why a smooth-running relationship becomes shaky all of a sudden? Has the love died out? Why does trust issues arise now? These are questions you might be asking yourself if you are experiencing unusual misunderstandings in your relationship.

The truth is, misunderstandings are bound to occur in a relationship, and resolving it together is one of the things that make a relationship stronger. However, if these issues seem to arise suddenly and are quite unusual and unnecessary, chances are your partner is being influenced negatively by someone or something.

Having a bad influence in a relationship is a common phenomenon; it could come from close friends, family, or people unknown to you. To protect your relationship, it is wise to spot such influence and terminate them.

If you suspect someone is negatively influencing your partner or you have a friend who feeds you with advice that shakes your relationship, here are ten things you could do to identify and get rid of them.

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How to identify the toxic influence

1. Lies

Although it can be difficult to distinguish between what’s true or false in the first instantly, especially if you have no information about the discussion. However, if by chance you find out the person has been lying or keeping secret on issues concerning your relationship, you may want to find out why.

Some friends may lie to protect your feelings; others may be jealous and want you out of the relationship. If the lies are detrimental to your relationship, causing misunderstanding between you and your partner, cut the liar out of your life.

2. Manipulation

Most people don’t recognize they are being manipulated until it is too late, so you should pay close attention to the people giving you relationship advice. You know you are negatively influenced when their advice leads you to take actions that serve them instead and oppose you. So when next someone tells you they know what’s best for you, you may want to pay close attention to what they say and how it would affect your relationship.  

3. Gossips

People who can’t keep secrets shouldn’t get to know about your relationship, regardless of how close they are to you. People who broadcast false information about you should be cut off from your business totally, especially if it’s directly to your partner.

Not only are such persons toxic influence, but they are also capable of causing damage to your relationship. If you find out by chance that a once-trusted person has leaked out a secret, or a “friend” goes about spreading fake news about you, you want to keep such persons out of your love life.

4. Creating drama

Also, take note of people who are fond of causing a scene whenever you are present with your spouse. If they are always trying to make you look like a bad person in front of your partner, they are definitely up to no good, especially if they interfere or make specific comments during a conversation with your partner. Once you notice such persons, try as much as possible to limit your encounter with such persons or cut them off if possible.

5. They disrespect your boundaries

People who remain persistent regardless of how many times you’ve told them to stop interfering in your relationship can also be considered toxic. Good friends would respect your boundaries and try to adjust after you’ve told them not to act a certain way.

6. They hold your past against you

People who don’t mean you well may hold your past against you, mainly if it could ruin your relationship with someone else. It is vital to build your relationship base on truth and sincerity, to avoid being hunted by your past or someone who knows about it. Cut off those who are unwilling to let go of your past and quit reminding you of your mistakes.

Keeping your relationship safe and cutting off the bad influence

Removing negative influence is not going to be comfortable and may take time, depending on how close the person is to you. However, since it is crucial to get them out of your love life to preserve it further, you may want to consider distance (in the case of family or close friends), or you could decide to cut them off completely. Furthermore, here are four tips to safeguard your relationship and get rid of bad influence.

 1. Talk to your spouse about issues

Dealing with a nagging partner

Having conversations with your partner about unusual behaviors is a much-needed step to take. If they are open enough, it would be easy for you to spot where the problem comes from. Avoid arguments and discuss the issue calmly, be sincere and honest with your partner, let him or her understand that you are concerned about the relationship, and wouldn’t want outsiders to ruin it.

Once you are clear with the issue, make an effort for necessary changes, and work with your partner on it. If it turns out there is a toxic third-party, discuss them with your partner and make plans to get rid of them. Always keep in touch to clear doubts and make sure to build trust in your relationship.

2. Clearly state your boundaries

Confronting toxic people about their influence in your relationship isn’t easy, as they may want to be hostile or resistant in most cases. However, you still have to let them know; invite them to a public place to discuss boundaries; this would make them less hostile and makes it easy for you to walk away if situations get out of hand. Make sure you state your limits clearly and cut contacts with the person if necessary.

3. Don’t argue or give them reasons to cut them off

Cutting toxic persons off your love life isn’t a negotiation; you don’t owe them a lengthy explanation of why you need the space. However, it is okay to state your feelings clearly; it’s up to you to decide how much you tell them, depending on the nature of the relationship you have with the person.

Tell them about your demand politely and avoid getting caught up in a debate or negotiation. If they try to argue or create a scene, firmly restate your boundaries and end the conversation.

4. Take action

Cutting off certain people may require blocking all forms of contact; in a very extreme case such as violence or assault, you may want to invite legal authorities to intervene.

Social media is another easy way to bully or intimidate people who decide to cut off bad influence; you may also want to block social media contact. Lastly, commit to stick to your decision and keep boundaries, be sure to urge them to work with you.

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