Talkativeness: What It Is And How To Avoid It

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Talkativeness refers to the state of talking too much or saying things beyond what’s necessary. It refers to the tendency to talk a lot. It also refers to speaking openly and bluntly without fear of privacy or consequences.

Have ever noticed or observed that friend who always seems to keep talking? Every social circle always has at least one talkative. They talk like their lives depend on it, and this trait triggers annoyance from their listeners.  A major reason why people lose interest in a conversation could be as a result of a person’s tendency to talk too much.

Talkativeness is an appalling trait that is a huge turn-off to many individuals. It can ruin dates and possibly your future chances with that individual you are interested in. It can also make a person lose the chances of getting a job during an interview. It is essential to be able to identify talkativeness and why you should avoid it.

This is a common trait that cuts across demographics such as age, religion, educational level, and occupation. Notwithstanding, the major target population for talkativeness is the youth. Age and life experience naturally makes a lot of people better listeners and a bit reserved in what they say and how they talk. The youths who are yet to be fine-tuned by life experience tend to talk more than necessary.


Indications of Talkativeness

  • Wanting to always be heard:
     A talkative loves talking a lot! It’s like their very lives depend on it. They barely listen to people and are always eager to interrupt and talk. They can speak for an extended period without getting tired.
  • You always lose the interest of people you talk to:
    You might think it’s because you are boring. While it could be a reason, it isn’t the only reason why people tend to lose interest after just a few minutes of listening to you. The possible reason could be because they are sick of hearing you talk. You might have noticed that people tune you out when you talk to them. It could mean you are talkative.
  • People try to avoid you when you want to talk to them:
    No one wants to be in the company of a talkative. They will always look for excuses that will spare them the ordeal. Even if they eventually pause to hear you out, their mind won’t be in it.
  • Inability to talk discreetly:
    Talkatives find it hard to keep silent on things that shouldn’t be public knowledge. Private topics and secrets are like everyday conversations to them. With just a little prodding, they can give you a full download of things that aren’t your business.
  • Difficulty in staying silent for a while:
    Silence is something a talkative does not understand as they find it hard to keep quiet. They don’t know when to talk and when not to. They talk whenever they get a chance to.

When not to talk

Talkativeness can make you the pariah of any social gathering. If you are struggling with talkativeness, learn to stay silent in certain situations. The following are tips to know when not to talk:

  • When the person you are talking to is busy with something else
  • If the person is bored or uninterested in what you have to say
  • You are the only one talking and reacting to what you said
  • When someone else is talking
  • When not asked to say something

Types of people prone to talkativeness

  • People who talk out of habit
  • People who think aloud
  • People who talk out of nervousness
  • People who aren’t comfortable with silence
  • People who love talking about themselves
  • People who talk to show off knowledge
  • People who want to talk to change someone’s mind
  • People who talk because they always have something to say
  • People who talk to stop someone else from talking

Why you should avoid talkativeness

Talking too much can cost you some things. This is why it is crucial to learn how to curtail it when you speak too much.

  • Your words can land you in trouble:
    It is always wise to know when to speak and when not to. A talkative doesn’t recognise or understand this. While firing away with your words, you might say something to the wrong person. You might also say something that was better kept to yourself.
  • It can make you a social pariah:
    Have you noticed people are not enthusiastic about getting into a chat with you? Chances are either they once had an unpleasant experience with you or heard about your manner of talking. You could be in a gathering and not have anyone around willing to talk. For some reason, the individuals you meet stylishly find a way to escape.
  • It could make you miss out on some opportunities:
    As stated earlier, talkativeness could cost you a job interview. It’s that bad. A talkative also tend to be boastful, and this is a significant turn off to prospective employers. It could also be a business proposal to a prospective investor.

How to avoid talkativeness

Talkativeness can be curtailed and managed, even if you have it in your nature. You just have to learn to adopt the following:

Determine The Triggers Of Your Talkativeness

People could have different triggers or causes as to why they talk too much. Knowing yours could be key to managing it. For some, it is the love of talking about themselves which they do, oblivious to the fact that it bothers people around.

For some, it could be the need to fill up silence which is awkward in social situations for them. They believe talking will take that awkwardness away. So they talk on and on. It is vital one should be able to diagnose their talkative triggers.

It could be a circumstance, or it could be a person individuals you meet, and you want to impress them or feel among. So you try to gain their attention by talking. It could also be that you feel intimidated by certain people, so you talk to hide that intimidation.

Once you can pinpoint the factors that cause you to talk more than necessary, it makes it easier to curtail the talkativeness. To make it easier for you, you can try to keep track of likely triggers and your progress.

Avoid making the conversation all about you

Always consider the fact that talking about yourself may not be interesting for other people. An excellent way to do this successfully is to put a stop to personalising every circumstance. Instead, focus on the other person in the conversation.

A conversation should be a mutual activity. Ensure you always let the other person talk. Unless they insist that you continue talking about yourself, do not. You could pass off as self-absorbed. When you speak for a while, give them the chance to do the same.

Try and recall the last time you talked way too much. What was the subject of discussion? Was it peculiar to you and your interest alone? Show more interest in the words and actions of the other party in a conversation. No matter how tempting it may be for you to dominate the chat, do not do so. To channel the focus on the conversation on the other party, ask questions that would encourage the discussion.

Think before speaking

This is arguably the best thing a talkative can do for oneself and the other party in a conversation. Your mouth was never meant to be the gateway to all of your mental processes and thoughts. Not everything you think should be spoken, so it is best to learn restraint, do not rush words out; else you speak before realising what your words mean.

This applies to every social setting, especially group gatherings. It can be incredibly embarrassing if you say something you shouldn’t have or said too much. Talkativeness doesn’t reflect maturity and patience. Learn to process and filter your thoughts before you speak.

If you are always offending or annoying people with your words, check what you say. If you are the type to chatter about everything and anything continually, start doing more thinking. Appear like someone speaking, and not like vessel words flow through.

Learn to be okay with silence

Not every moment of silence is awkward or out of nervousness. Some moments of silence are comfortable. It will do you good to learn how to enjoy such moments when they come. You do not have to talk all the time. It is suitable for the mind and helps in calming our thoughts process.

Knowing when to take a break from a conversation shows maturity as well. Filling the void with talking may make you feel more comfortable by default, but I can’t say the same for others. Resist the need to feel obligated to talk every single time.

You can use that silence to regroup and come up with a topic that will spark a general excitement or interest. Always talking and less thinking doesn’t give you a chance to process what’s on your mind thoroughly. It also prevents you from being able to listen or interpret your feelings at that moment.

Show interest in others by asking questions

Asking questions takes away the conversational spotlight from you. This prevents you from feeling the need to speak more. Learn to ask questions to engage the other party in the conversation. Don’t just stop at asking questions, learn to listen to the other party talk as well.

When talking about your day or something that pertains to you, also ask the other person the same thing. Then you wait and listen. Let them speak till the conversation naturally drifts to you again. Listening helps you pay attention and avoid distractions such as your phone.

Questions also help you get to assess the other person better. It gets you more familiar with them. Ask about their hobbies, interests, family, interests and other relevant topics. Don’t just ask, get answers and forget them. Try and retain some information so you can use it for reference in your next conversation. This helps you keep from talking about yourself and shows your interest in them.

Adopt rephrasing

An effective way of managing your talkativeness is saying what the other person has said. It shows you have been listening, and it will encourage the person to continue talking. Rephrasing what the other party said shows you are asking for more clarity. It also shows you are asking for a deeper understanding of what you heard.

Moreover, it puts the focus of the conversation on that individual, not you. For instance, someone can be talking about her love for literature. You could show you have been listening by saying, “So you are into literature?” Also, something like “You must be a creative and artistic person”.

Rephrasing is a vital part of communication as it erases any chance of miscommunication. The meaning communicated between you two is well conveyed. This also helps you to confirm if you actually heard right or the other party actually said what you think they said.

Talkativeness is a trait that can be managed and curtailed if the above things are executed. Let’s improve our social life by talking less!


How to avoid being too talkative – all4women

10 Reasons You’re Talking Too Much, and What to do About It – inc

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