There are simple ways to mend a wounded relationship, but we first need to understand a few things. Different relationships have a different meaning to us humans. The effects of living in a wounded relationship may cause sadness, regret, anger and may even lead to hatred. Relationships give us a platform to express ourselves through different forms of emotions, and just as relationships vary, emotions also vary.
Relationships bring us great joy and happiness but can also be hurtful to us if staying in it hurts us mentally, physically, or both. Knowing the right ways to mend a wounded relationship is very important. It’s not uncommon for people to experience complications in their relationships once in a while. Humans are complex creatures who don’t fully understand one another—our emotions for each other influence how we feel and how we act in our relationships.
Our daily activities may sometimes contribute to the health of our relationships with people; either in a good or bad way. The more activities we perform, the busier our lives get, and this can affect our connection with our loved ones. Communication and connection are critical to a successful relationship. When we can’t communicate or connect appropriately with someone, our relationship suffers. It takes knowing both yourself and your other half to mend your relationship effectively.
Relationships occur in different forms, and some of them include:
- Friendships which we share with our friends
- Family relationships which we share with members of our family
- Romantic relationships which we share with our spouse or someone of the opposite sex which we have romantic feelings for
Different factors may affect our relationship, and some may include respect, trust, communication, support, time, emotional engagement, accessibility and responsiveness. Also, how we relate to others outside our relationship affects our relationship. Just like working to figure and fix the other activities in our lives, mending a wounded relationship can be quite tricky. The issues we have with our partners might be deep, which makes it hard to forgive and move on.
Lack of understanding may lead to frustration and grievances. If you want to fix your relationship, you have to be ready to take the necessary steps, and also have a deepened understanding of yourself and your partner. Here are four steps that will help you in mending your relationship.
Hear – listen to understand
When having a conversation with your partner, make an effort to listen to them and stay mentally and actively present. It is advised that you listen to understand and not listen to react. This would help in fulfilling each other’s needs while communicating. Always listen beyond your partner’s words for non-verbal signs of emotions, pay attention to their facial expressions; most times, facial expressions are the best forms of showing one’s emotions. When humans are angry or sad, they show it through their body language. Please pay attention to their body language so you would know how to react to them.
Empathize – allow yourself to feel what your partner is feeling
After talking with your partner, certain emotions may arise within you. Pay attention to what you feel, and compare these feelings with what your partner is feeling. This is important in helping you accordingly with your partner’s feelings. At this point, staying emotionally present and engaged is important to help show compassion. Trying to give advice may come off as being judgemental, instead allow yourself to show compassion to bring a sense of comfort and safety to your partner.
Involving a third party
If it seems that you have been trying to work it out between yourselves and it is not working, you should try and involve a third party to resolve the case you have. This third party may not necessarily be a family member; it could be a friend or even a stranger who became a friend when the relationship started.
This person will come in as a bridge to connect you and explain why the relationship cannot be broken, or the benefits of keeping the relationship, and through his or her personal emotional view of the relationship.
The next is to show your willingness and readiness to act on the issue. Remember, actions speak louder than words! Actions depend on the issue on ground, so it helps to call often, assist with things around the house, or talk about money together before spending. You can also make decisions together, ask them for their opinions, and make out time to spend with each other. This helps in mending the relationship positively.
Love – feel and express love
Love is very important for any relationship to work. Make out time to spend with your partner, show your love physically; which may involve going out and spending time together. Humans always want to be constantly reminded of how much you love them; this brings about a sense of comfort and builds trust.
There is no way you are going to heal a wounded relationship without the existence of love between you and your partner. However, the love we are talking about here is not the love on the surface; this is not the love that barely scratches the surface; it is not the love that does not sink into the ground and take strong roots.
Young people sometimes make a mistake by thinking that love is merely the one you see a person you are attracted to and jump into a relationship with that person. No. You do not have to be attracted to that person alone; you also have to know everything positive and negative about that person before getting into that relationship. Then, if you do not and you are into a relationship already; you have to search for them and make sure the love you feel is not the one that there is a problem somewhere.
Seeking psychological help is the last step to mending a wounded relationship. This is the level where you have tried all the above steps and other ones between you, and it is not working. You can consult with a psychological or relationship counsellor who can help make your relationship more comfortable for you and your partner.
Kindly note that this step is not only for married people. You can try this out with your partner; you never know where that relationship is leading you in the future. Discuss with your partner to know if they are willing to consult with a counsellor.
Relationships are not meant to go smoothly all the time, so there are bound to be wounded relationships once in a while. Because we are wired differently, it makes it complicating to understand others completely. While living our daily lives, we perform different activities that bring about changes in our moods and affects the way we relate with others, when we are having a bad day, the way we act to our partners may be as a result of what we have experienced during the day.
We are not perfect, so we can’t control how we act every time, but we can control what we do after making an unfavourable decision in our relationship. Mend your relationship by following these four steps by hearing, empathizing, acting to change and showing love. These steps would let your partner know that they matter to you and you care about them.
You have to trust in yourselves and the greatness you can achieve together. When your relationship is in crisis, and you feel that deep sense of love and belonging to your partner, fight to see that the case in the relationship is resolved. Also, remember to set boundaries if required. It will be beneficial to you to live in a healthy relationship and not to be denied of happiness and joy.
15 ways to rebuild broken relationship – lifehacks