Not many people start a relationship with the hope of ending it later – unless they really have to. Nonetheless, maintaining a long-term relationship is no cakewalk, and the parties involved need to put in the work. Without knowing how to maintain a long-term relationship, you are likely to have many short-termed relationships, which could be a recipe for many heartbreaks.
What makes a relationship last long
Fortunately, some studies have been made to ensure that many relationships grow into something beautiful. While it is clear that the parties involved in a relationship need to put in the work for their union to work, the following question needs to be considered; what makes a relationship last long?
Although we admire how movies and books end romantic scenes with “happily ever after,” we need to know that real life isn’t always like that. A healthy long-term relationship requires a tremendous amount of time and effort, with a pinch of commitment and understanding.
Many healthy long-term relationships are equipped with the following:
Compromise
Ideally, things should be handled equally, especially when the relationship is still very fresh. Your partner’s desires and expectations and yours should be equally attended to. However, some partners can become a little greedy and develop stronger tastes for the things, or the people they want to spend time with. It’s necessary to recognize the change and resist it to maintain a healthy relationship.
Maintain honesty
For good long-term relationships, clear communication is essential. We start holding issues inside sometimes because we don’t want to “irritate” our companion. In other circumstances, since we believe it positions us in a position of control, we might want to hold on to those emotions.
Whatever the motivation, when it comes to how we feel, it is necessary to avoid building walls or repainting the reality. When you withhold information concerning your emotional state, you put your partner at an immediate disadvantage.
Be aware that there is no winner in an argument
When the aim of an argument is targeted at “winning” instead of resolving potential issues, then both parties lose. It’s much more productive to a positive outcome to affirm early and continuously in a disagreement that the objective is to find a mutually agreeable solution to a problem.
Take note of how your partner communicates love. It is easy to forget, even for lovers who have been together for many years, how their partner likes to express affection.
Don’t try to dish the silent treatment
We may try to remind ourselves that it pays to stay silent instead of saying something hurtful. The truth is that getting the silent treatment can be just as painful, and it can be just as harmful to a relationship. We have more than two options that can play if caught in this type of position. You could try speaking your mind but avoid using language that is anger-filled. It helps to choose your words carefully and express yourself as clearly as you can.
Space
It almost seems unnatural for certain individuals to be apart. But the fact is we all need space to ourselves, and this has nothing to do with not loving or wanting to be with our partner. Besides, absence really makes the heart grow fonder.
According to relationship guru, Rho Milrad, “the secret to a long-term relationship is to be flexible. “A relationship involves two individuals who come together as a unit but do not neglect any aspects of their identity. “When a relationship is stable and flexible, there is room for each person to evolve and for the relationship to accommodate these transitions.”
Challenges of long term relationship
The upside of a healthy relationship can be delightful, but it is essential also to know the downsides or what could trash something beautiful. The following are the challenges that long-term relationships face:
Conflicting goals
Even when you and your partner don’t have to share the same priorities, it’s necessary to move in the same direction. If you are not, difficulties and conflict will ensue. Finding a middle ground can be difficult when partners don’t have any interest in common.
Infidelity
If you are both willing to make it work, then it’s possible to get through a cheating problem. Unfortunately, cheating can ruin a long-term relationship, especially since most partners can’t get past the fact that they are being cheated on.
Many couples do not have the patience and perseverance to sift through the process of healing (which includes stages of trauma, anger, doubt, affirmation, and many other factors) long enough to maintain a long-term relationship.
Low Self-Esteem
Your relationship may not be directly affected by low self-esteem, but the side effects might just suck the juice out. Control issues and self-esteem tend to go hand in hand, and when you’ve got a mix of both, it’s impossible to keep long-term relationships. Individuals with low self-esteem can become anxious and insecure. This can weaken the very foundation of a long-term relationship.
Sexual Incompatibility
You can work to develop your sex life, and you can both make an effort to keep that flame alive. But there are instances where compatibility becomes an issue, and it’s usually due to various sex drives. It’s challenging for partners with completely opposing sex drives to remain together long-term. One or both parties involved can easily get frustrated and unsatisfied if they can’t get on the same level about sexual intimacy and type of sexual expression.
Unsolved Family Issues
It isn’t uncommon for outside influence to poke in and out of your relationship every now and then. It would be best if you looked out for family issues that may come from both immediate and extended relatives.
When you allow your family drama rub-off on your relationship, then there’s a chance you are subscribing to potential problems in your relationship. The process may be long, miserable, and tasking, but it’s worth the extra time and effort to make your relationships safe with your family and ensure your partner has equally done the same.
A Lack Of Intimacy
It can really take a toll with time if you two are not intimate, in any sense of the term. Intimacy can both be physical and emotional. These involve understanding each other, connection, and knowledge of how you both function. It is believed that intimacy -mental or physical- helps you and your partner bond better.
A Lack Of Trust
One of the most significant ways to lose faith in your relationship is to cheat. However, some aspects of trust include boundaries, reliability, accountability, integrity, and not being judgmental. If you or your soul mate lack any of these qualities, then you have a lot of work to do.
Unhealthy Boundaries
Yeah, you are in a relationship, but that is no leverage to do everything together. For starters, if you’re not setting good boundaries or spending time on your own, then things are more likely to fall apart.
Ignoring Each Other
It’s hard to be flawless, but neither of you can, even over the little things, get in the habit of avoiding each other. Ignoring or withdrawing from your partner when they request for your attention can be devastating to the stability of your relationship.
Unhealthy Arguments
Arguments during your relationship are going to happen, and that’s fine too. Couples with no orientation on how to deal with disputes properly tend to suffer. Studies have shown that the most comfortable thing that can end your relationship is how you handle potential conflict.
A Total Lack Of Fun
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean the end of life and many long-term relationships suffer when some factors aren’t considered. We are continually spending money paying bills, filling our fridge and kitchen with foodstuffs, and ensuring everything goes well. This can be overwhelming and can affect a good relationship if we settle for a boring routine. But this can all be managed if you’re both able to balance out the good and the bad.
When a relationship is all work and no play, then it becomes a breeding ground for irritation and disinterest. It helps to be spontaneous by doing new things, go on dates, surprise each other and try to have different special experiences.
Recognizing problems such as these will help keep you and your partner together and create a stronger bond for you.
