How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship

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At one point or another, you must have been guilty of overthinking your relationships. We get jealous of our ex, read too much into a text, or even wonder whether we really want our partner to be with us at all. Overanalyzing our relationship can undermine our happiness and leave us feeling insecure and uncertain. Then why are we doing that?


In a relationship, knowing how to avoid overthinking will save you from making big mistakes that ruin attraction and sabotage your relationship’s longevity. It can consume every thought of yourself and make you highly paranoid. The fact is, in those moments, most of the things you worry about are simply fragments of your ruminating imagination. It can also result in a toxic relationship.

The issue with overthinking is that it also leads to unreasonable ideas, perceptions, and situations that emotionally fire you to make a bad choice. Trust me when I tell you that I have seen a lot of people mess up a perfectly successful relationship by overthinking everything. To get what we deserve from life means understanding our worth and our choices – this is a matter of cognition, not emotion.

Overthinking your relationship

Why We Overthink Our Relationships

Most often, when we are insecure, we overthink our relationships. This could be from previous relationships where we ended up getting hurt or because we don’t think we deserve to be happy deep down. The second we know we are in a happy relationship; for some of us, we panic and start searching for the most successful way to ruin it.


We think that the person we see will soon realize that they can do better, that we are frustrating them, or that they are looking for a reason to leave. This puts us in a defensive position, anticipating trouble, and motivates us to look for issues to address where there may not be any. On top of that, we want to be reassured by our partners, we want them to be there for us all the time, and we want to know how they feel at all times.

But that is not how relationships work. People speak different languages of love, and they often do not synchronize those languages. We often respond badly if our partner does not display affection in the way we want, believing there is no affection at all.

In reality, too much overanalyzing in your relationship can cause anxiety. A perfect instance is where the overthinker begins to create scenarios in their own mind and base their decisions on events that have not occurred.

Then we might wonder why that is, why can’t our partner fulfill our needs when we want it, the way we want it?. We might go on to catastrophize the relationship from there, assuming it’s doomed. Of course, none of this is the case, but we have made ourselves unhappy because of our overthinking and probably ruined our relationship.

Why Overthinking Makes Us Miserable

The more we overthink our relationships, the more likely it is that we will find fault with them or create issues that are not there. This puts pressure on the relationship, which in turn reduces our general satisfaction.

You are never going to feel better by obsessing about anything – it will just make you feel worse. Our relationships can have a significant effect on our mental health, so it is worth looking at how we contribute to our own suffering while we are dealing with it and what we can do to make things easier for ourselves.

How To Stop Overthinking Your Relationship

1.   Talk Things Out with Your Partner

Overthinking your relationship has made you a captive of your own mind, and the key is to express your thoughts. Even if the two of you have been through it before, now is not the time to stop talking.

You know by heart your partner’s own mechanisms, so adjust what you have to say to the way they are going to respond. If you have been accused in the past of exaggerating your problem, remain calm and constructive and ask them to do a little research. Being acquainted with how addictive behavior works will allow them to understand you better.

If it gets emotional and concludes with a fight, so be it. For a healthy relationship, the ability to express your thoughts and feelings is important, and you can never avoid it. Silence is a lack of motion, but in order to endure, relationships need to grow and move forward.

Stay composed, be as clear as you can, and insist on expressing yourself. Maybe your partner feels confused and frightened, so be patient. Being in love means that together you are in this: don’t stop talking until you too are on the same page.

2.   Trust Your Partner

Trust is a crucial part of every relationship, and it will help keep you grounded even though you sometimes end up overthinking your relationship. If you trust your partner, you presume that they mean what they say, that they care for you, that they don’t want you to play games.

People who appear to overthink things in their relationship, however, are less likely to trust their partner, meaning they will be more likely to overthink things further. This fear undermines the whole relationship, but it doesn’t need to ruin things for you.

3.   Think In Helpful Ways

Learning how to think in a more helpful, productive way is one of the best ways to avoid overthinking your relationship. When you overthink your relationship, you tend to create an issue when there is not one. Until you find something to get angry about, you concentrate on one aspect of your relationship and look and look and look. This is not a good use of your resources and time, it doesn’t make you happy, and you don’t have to keep doing it at all.

Sometimes, it is worth thinking about stuff in terms of what you can and can’t control. You can’t monitor what your partner does, says, or thinks about. You have got to accept this. Trying to second guess what they say will leave you mentally drained, and trying to manipulate them will drive you further.

But you can regulate what you say, do, and think about it. If you catch yourself in a loop, you can avoid going over the edge. Focus on how you feel, and then work on how to feel better. Don’t let your over-thinking influence your actions.

Worrying about the future is, in reality, worrying about something that may never happen. Focus on the moment, what you are doing right now. If you are not doing something, find anything to do! Work on yourself all the time, and do stuff that will motivate you to become the person you want to be.

4.   Be Realistic About Your Obsessive Thoughts

Have you observed how ridiculous and over the top your thoughts become the more you overthink? We place ourselves in the role of exploring the wildest and craziest of outcomes by letting our minds run free.

One of the biggest aspects of being human is having the ability to be creative. Channeling it to the wrong stuff can also result in tragic outcomes. Try to distract yourself with some relaxation techniques, a stroll or a sprint, or a short phone call to a close friend when you feel you are overthinking about something.

When you find yourself overthinking your relationship, take a step back, and critically evaluate the situation. Speak to someone you trust or talk about it in a journal. By removing yourself from the situation temporarily, try to be as rational and reasonable as possible. Reining in your thoughts can give the whole situation some perspective and make you understand just how insane things have gotten.

5.   Have A Life Outside Of Your Relationship

If you have other areas outside your relationship where you can concentrate your energy and attention, it is much easier to avoid overthinking things. Find something to take your mind off your relationship if you are just stuck at home obsessing about why they haven’t texted you back yet.

Having projects or activities to focus on or seeing friends will give you something to distract yourself from, which will stop you from overthinking your relationship and sabotaging it. Every day, try to take some time for yourself, as this will set up a healthy routine for you to fall back on, as well as give you some perspective and space on your relationship.

6.   Talk To Your Friends

You just have to get rid of your worries sometimes. You should do this with your friends, as they may be in a better position to judge whether you are overthinking or whether your concerns are real. They can and should become your everyday portion of the truth because they are so clear-minded.

The earlier you let go of insisting that your feelings are so deep that you can’t be understood by others, the sooner you can balance them out and see your concerns for what they really are. Sharing your feelings with others has been shown to reduce anxiety and depression by minimizing feelings of loneliness, so grab a trusted friend or book in to talk to a therapist who can have a non-judgmental ear.

Just talking about things is supposed to make you feel better, but it also reduces the chances of getting into an argument with your partner over something that you have made up in your head. Get busy with friends doing activities, projects around the house, work, hobbies, etc. Learning how to avoid worrying about your relationship is a process, but you are getting better over time.

7.   Exercise and Work

An idle mind is a playground for the devil. This can’t have been truer. Our life, as adults, determines the pursuit of something important. Whatever happens in life, whether you think about it until your brain explodes or not, will happen. Accept the risk in a relationship that you are overthinking because you don’t spend time in other significant areas in your life.

The essential features of a healthy life are wellness, fitness, jobs, ambitions, socializing, and hobbies. Like a tripod stand, you will suffer from stability if one of your legs is missing.

8.   Keep Your Mind Occupied with What Makes You a Great Person

Overthinking is similar to depression in some ways. If you look at your patterns more closely, you will realize that overanalyzing is nothing but a time delay process; the longer you think about the problem, the more you delay having to act on it.

What overthinking prevents you from seeing is that, if the problem actually exists, obsessiveness over it will not fix it. Why don’t you skip rumination and go straight to action? It turns out, though, that it would hurt less than wasting hours acting out different scenarios over and over again.

9.   Ask Your Partner What Kind of Self-Improvement You Can Do to Keep the Relationship Fresh

Learn that sometimes all you need to do is ask. Your low self-confidence has made you suspect the actions of your partner again? Ask them what is going on! If your relationship is good and mature, their answer will be truthful and helpful.


After all, there might be some stuff about you that really bugs them. Though you can never change who you really are for another person, it takes some compromising to be in a relationship. Talk to your partner about their concerns, and see whether you can fix them or not, and how.

Don’t be too sensitive about that! Giving your partner a chance to speak their minds is very important, even though what they have to say isn’t so easy for you to hear. They probably mean well, so listen to them. It is also easier than trying to figure out their feelings all by yourself.

10.   Stop Yourself the Moment You Catch Yourself Over-analyzing Your Partner’s Behaviour

In fighting gloomy thoughts, a supportive partner is a much-needed ally, but only as long as you meet them halfway. Don’t complicate things too much now that you have realized how unproductive your worries were and still are. Stressing on how to deal with it will drag you right indirectly.

Instead, the moment you notice your mind getting all riled up, stop yourself. If you are used to over-analyzing your partner’s words or obsessing about the scent of a stranger that you kept smelling on them, remember that your assumptions were incorrect, also, that your thoughts were unnecessarily defeating.

Overthinking your relationship is the fastest way to ruin things. Whenever you feel like you are overthinking your relationship, always take a step back.

Source (s)

how to stop overthinking in a relationship – pinchofattitude

why overthinking your relationship is making you miserable – badoo

how to stop overthinking in a relationship – theattractiongame

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