Are you scared to discuss money in a relationship? While many people are cautious about asking money questions while dating, it’s quite a bad idea to wait till you and your partner become a couple before you discuss finances. Money is one of the critical things married couples argue about, and then it’s also the second leading cause of divorce following infidelity. As you get to know each other during the dating phase of your relationship, it is essential you also get to know your partner’s opinions about money, how they make and spend it. So if you’re wondering how to discuss money in a relationship without making a fuzz about it, here are ten useful tips that would help.
1. Observe how they use money
You can tell a lot about the financial life of your partner in the early phases of the relationship without having to ask annoying questions. Get to know their desired lifestyle through conversations. You can ask questions like: What is their definition of having a nice date? What type of car would they like to use? What’s their career path or dream job? Whenever you’re having a conversation with them, observe whether they speak openly about their finances. If they are, you can learn a thing or two about what is most important to them and know how to bring up potential money topics better.
2. Don’t pry into their money affairs
Most people find it offensive when others try to poke into their financial details; it is more like intruding into their privacy. We all want to show our best selves and keep our baggage out of reach during the dating phase. Although you might be curious about how much they earn and how they spend money, they might get prickly about the matter. So, for the time being, you should avoid poking through their financial details. Get to know their economic status when the time is right, and you would eventually find out, so don’t rush things.
3. Start easy when its time to discuss money in a relationship
It’s generally better to start with the easy things, such as planning who will pay for what on dates. This is also a fun way to discuss money in a relationship as the financial needs are don’t seem too serious. Try to find common ground with your partner, and you could agree to take turns, split bills, or one person may decide to foot the bill kindly. Otherwise, you could get into disputes because secret assumptions can induce uncertainty and future tiffs.
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4. Start by speaking general with money discussion
Maybe talk about your family’s perspective about money, or ask questions like what if you had a million dollars? What would you do with it? When the issue is on the table, and you’ve had enough fun with it, the both of you may chat a little more in-depth. It’s normal for either of you to avoid being precise with your financial numbers until you are comfortable doing so. Be cautious if the other individual is pressing hard for details about your economic stats.
5. Begin with things you share in common
One of the best ways to build unity in a relationship is through connecting and honoring common values. Although values may differ; your partner may prefer to shop on a high-end market and enjoy bargain grocers, while you appreciate healthier living as well as nutritious foods. In this case, you need to find common ground by figuring out how you both can meet in the middle spending-wise while still eating right. You’ll want to talk about shared dreams and ways you plan on living your shared beliefs in the future. What kind of lifestyle do you want to have, and how is the money going to help you accomplish those objectives? You know it’s time to discuss money in a relationship when you spend differently and your partner spends unwisely.
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6. Become financially intimate over time
As your relationship grows and you two become an inseparable couple, you also want to discuss money more seriously. Become more economically open with your partner, share your worries and any struggles in your finances you may have. For sure, you’ll have to exchange numbers: How much debt is both of you carrying? What’s your net worth, and how much are you going to earn?
The closer you become with your partner, the easier it becomes to discuss money in a relationship. However, this is a sensitive step in a relationship, but it is vital if you are going to get serious. Otherwise, you’re going to end up feeling like your partner is hiding skeletons of money, and you risk getting blindsided.
Plus, how can you create a life together without understanding the financial status of each other? As a couple, you and your partner should be ready to openly state your financial conditions and plan things together, such as a saving strategy. Becoming financially intimate is a perfect way to understand how each of you functions; it also binds you together more closely and reinforces you as a team.
7. Create money goals together
Setting financial targets together is another way to keep the money dialogue going. This provides a system of encouragement to keep both of you accountable. You want to start making joint financial plans to make life comfortable for a couple. Combining your finances as a couple could lead to an enhanced credit score, making it easy to carry out significant purchases such as a bigger house or a new car. You both should discuss your credits, set a target for financial achievement, and begin to take action to strengthen any loose ends together. It’s never too late to start making plans; you may decide to create a joint account for this purpose.
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8. Be cautious of timing
Not every time is perfect for discussing money in your relationship; you don’t have to do it over text in the middle of the night or when one person is having a rough week. If you need to address something complicated, you would want to wait until more face-to-face time is enjoyed and you both are comfortable.
It’s not the right idea when you’re on a nice date to fire up a 20-question session on touchy money topics. When you want to discuss money in a relationship, you want your partner to be able to share an open heart-to-heart conversation with you.
Whether it concerns their financial patterns or discussing your debt control concerns, being cautious of the timing can be the first step on a joint path to financial health. Money might sound like a heavy topic, but that doesn’t have to be the case.
9. Sort out shared expenses
If you’re going to get married and live together, you’re going to sort out how you’re trying to handle joint costs. Are you going to share the rent and expenses evenly or come up with some agreement? Are you going to open a joint account, and will you both have different accounts if you do? Will one person be the house’s appointed CFO, or do you want to share household finance management with them? Money arrangements for couples differ widely; from having joint bills and handling their budgets individually, you have to go with what works best for the both of you.
10. Don’t impose your values on them
While you might feel like you’ve figured out the financial wholeness riddle, let your partner discover their solution. You both might have radically distinct money types, for example. You might not have a single credit card because he needs to handle many big-budget expenses straight away. While your partner, on the other hand, may enjoy sorting out all their expenses in bits and with a single credit card. Therefore, you both need to learn to create a lot of latitude and space for each other when spending personal money.
Otherwise, we would run the risk of feeling stifled and stamped on, resulting in resentment. You don’t have to impose your method of transacting on your partner or discriminate against theirs. As long as it’s handled responsibly, you may even decide to put some of their transactions on your credit card. When you discuss money in a relationship, it is essential to be sensitive and conscious of the pacing and where the other person comes from before you pounce on them with your questions, particularly if you two have an earning difference.
